Sunday, July 12, 2009

NY Times reports that porn movies have no plots: Stop the presses!

The New York Times is notoriously clueless when it comes to popular culture, but this is an all-time high. On July 7th, an article on the front page of the Business section (below the fold, to be sure, but front page nonetheless) declared that dirty movies don't offer much in the way of "narrative arcs." Say it ain't so!

Okay, I exaggerate the extent of the Times' obliviousness. Reporter Matt Richtel goes on to say that only three years ago, industry leaders like Vivid Entertainment were making feature-length erotic films with plot, while today almost half of their productions are just strings of hardcore sex scenes. Fair enough, I suppose, if you define plot very, very loosely. Even Vivid's Pirates, hailed as an adult-movie groundbreaker for its lavish production design and cheeky tale (born of the longtime industry practice of making movies, um.... inspired by mainstream hits) of warring pirates can't be said to have anything resembling narrative arcs. Actress Savanna Samson (Natalie Oliveros) is quoted lamenting that she "used to have dialogue," and recalling the days when she prepared assiduously for her roles in movies like Flasher because she took her acting seriously.

The fact is, if you want your porn with real plot you have to go back to the '70s, when much of the adult-movie community seriously believed that in the future, the line dividing smut and "real movies" would vanish, and that mainstream movie stars would do hardcore scenes when appropriate to the plot. Nearly 40 years later, explicit sex scenes have made their way into serious-minded movies like Leos Carax's Pola X (1999), Virginie Despentes' Baise-Moi (2000), Michael Winterbottom's 9 Songs (2004), Catherine Breillat's Romance (1999) and Anatomy of Hell (2004), both starring Italian porn star Rocco Siffredi, and Vincent Gallo's polarizing The Brown Bunny (2003). But you can't really call them mainstream, and the best Hollywood has come up with is the NC-17 rated Showgirls (1995), an instant camp classic.

On another note, the Times seems to love Savanna Samson. In addition to this piece, she was singled out in a report about the 2006 AVN Awards (which also discusses Pirates) and quoted in a 2007 piece about the problem with high-def porn (both by Richtel), the subject of a 2006 feature called Naked Came the Vintner, about her efforts to get into the winemaking business, and spotlighted in a 2005 piece article about Vivid's do-over of The Devil in Miss Jones (1973), in which Samson co-starred with Jenna Jameson. Ironically, Samson admits to having fast-forforwarded through the original because there was so much dialogue.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Reasons to be cheerful, maybe: Nazi zombies in space and Gate remake


Hard on the heels of the Norwegian Nazi-zombies picture Dead Snow (right) comes word of another project that combines the undead and the Third Reich: The Finnish Iron Sky, which features Nazi zombies on the moon.

No, this isn't a joke. Well, actually it is. Sort of. Apparently the tone is tongue in cheek, which it would really have to be given that it's about zombified Nazis who escaped to the moon during WWII and are now plotting to come back to Earth and revive Hitler's grand plan. Oh, and it stars Udo Kier, whom I last saw playing a non-zombie Nazi in the Grindhouse trailer Werewolf Women of the SS. Yeah, I'm there.

And then there's the remake of The Gate, one of those odd little '80s horror pictures that I remember fondly without remebering much about it except that three kids (one played by Steven Dorff) accidentally open some kind of portal in a suburban backyard and unleash a horde of little demons. Loved the little demons Alex Winter (yes, the Lost Boys/Bill & Ted actor) is slated to direct and it's going to be in 3D. I'm intrigued.

So hey: Two things to kind of look forward to -- that's not bad!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Saw attraction at Universal Studios Hollywood

Yeah, that sounds like a good time.

The new attraction is being launched in October and I can honestly say that I can think of few things I less want to do than be ferried through the Saw experience: Either it's going to be horrible (like if you really have to dig a key out of your own flesh before some grotesque trap is sprung) or it's going to be really lame.

I suspect the latter, given American liability laws: I have a hard time imagining the insurance policy that would cover bona fide torture. At a theme park, anyway.

The Saw experience (or whatever they decide to call it) will debut during "Halloween Horror Nights" at Universal Studios Hollywood and Universal Orlando. I don't plan to be there.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Changes at the Oscars...

Everyone's all abuzz about the fact that starting next year — which is to say, with the films of 2009 — there will be ten nominees in the best picture category instead of five. There used to be ten nominees, but not since 1943.

The idea, as I understand it, is to open up the field, which is all very well and good. But since the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is going back to the future, I have to wonder why they don't instead go back to have two best picture categories, one for dramas and one for comedies and musicals. That strikes me as a far better way of spreading the wealth around, because let's face it: It's rare for a comedy to snare a best picture nomination and rarer still for one to win. Dividing the category up would acknowledge the apples and oranges factor: A great movie is a great movie, but when faced with a choice between a soul-searing drama and a bust-a-gut comedy, Academy voters tend to reward seriousness of intent.

Or is that just me?

See The Hollywood Reporter's analysis here.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Dead Snow, The Hangover and more new reviews...

I've been remiss in letting folks know, but I've been posting new reviews of all kinds of movies, including the gut-crunching Norwegian zombie movie Dead Snow and the laddish comedy The Hangover, which is way funnier than it has any right to be.

Tell me what you think!