Shocking! Controversial! The Human Centipede and Elm Street remake

My reviews of The Human Centipede, the sick and twisted Dutch horror film everyone's talking about, and the remake of Wes Craven's classic A Nightmare on Elm Street are online. Check them out and let me know what you think...

Clash of the Titans Remake -- What the World Needs Now

Specifically, a star-studded, big-budget remake of the mythological monster mash with loads and loads of CGI effects. (see trailer).

Let me be clear: I'm not arguing that the 1981 Clash of the Titans (see trailer) was any great shakes, even if it did feature the likes of Sir Laurence Olivier, Claire Bloom and Maggie Smith as various Greek gods, which was a big deal 25 years ago (now actors of their caliber, including Smith herself, are regulars in Harry Potter). It also starred the magnificently wooden Harry Hamlin, whose main qualification seems to have been that he looked nice in a short toga, as the Greek hero Perseus.

But I'm not convinced that a remake that dirties up the action, reimagines Perseus (Sam Worthington, of Terminator Salvation) as a guy who's mad as Hades and isn't going to take it anymore ("it" apparently being marauding monsters), and looks like a high-end video game is going to be any better. Even with Liam Neeson as Zeus (need I say that was the role Olivier played in the original?), Ralph Fiennes, Mads Mikkelsen, Danny Houston and a host of highly acclaimed character actors on board.

Nice harpies, though, and the gorgon's scalp-full o' snakes looks pretty convincing, at least from the glimpse in the trailer.

Buffy Relaunch Minus Whedon -- Worst Idea Ever!

Yes, Fran Rubel Kazui did recognize that the then-unknown Joss Whedon's spec script about a teenaged cheerleader who learns it's her destiny to protect the world from evil had a unique voice and outlook. Yes, her husband and partner, Kaz Kazui, did assemble the financing that got the 1992 movie, which starred Kristy Swanson as Buffy Summers, made.

But Rubel Kazui, who oversaw the script's development and directed the film, then bled every bit of life and originality out of it, turning Buffy into a not very funny comedy about Valley Girls (remember Valley Girls?) and vampires.
I vividly remember the TVGuide.com editorial meeting the day we got word that the still-unknown Whedon had gotten the go-ahead to develop Buffy as a series. The gist of it was, "Jesus, what an awful idea," which given that all we had to go on was the movie was a pretty reasonable response.

So the thought of the Kazuis (in association with Vertigo Entertainment) relaunching the Buffy franchise (read The Hollywood Reporter's article here) with a new film and without any Whedon participation whatsoever (not to mention no Angel, Willow, Xander or Spike) strikes me as an absolute nightmare. Clueless, too, if one is to believe reports that Rubel Kazui wants to make a "darker, event-sized" movie. Darker than what? Did she ever watch the series on which the Kazuis both received executive producer credits by virtue of the fact that their company retained rights to the original screenplay?

Oh well.... at least it can only be bad for 90 minutes.

I remade a Zombie...

Just when I thought this rumor had gone away, it seems to have picked up new credence:

The I Walked With a Zombie remake now has a director in Adam Marcus, whose only previous horror credit is Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday. Oh, yeah — that's the sensibility the hauntingly poetic I Walked with a Zombie — a dreamy reworking of Charlotte Bronte's feverishly perverse Jane Eyre — needs.

I'm comforting myself with the thought that it can't be any worse than Ritual, with Jennifer Grey. Made in 2001, it apparently opened in a handful of European markets before going to DVD in the US as Tales from the Crypt Presents: Ritual.